Wednesday, January 10, 2018

Coffee Enemas

As a former barista, I remain interested in matters coffee. And, Lord knows, I like the stuff. With chicory or the weak stuff. Espresso, flavored coffees (vanilla or hazelnut particularly), and even decaf!

But I must say that new development has crept unto the scene: the coffee enema! No, this not some excess dreamt up by some wayward University of Tennessee frat boys; this is serious! As a matter of fact, that well-known health expert Gwyneth Paltrow  promoted a $135 set to enable people to detox by giving themselves coffee enemas.

Whoa! What sort of job reclassification might be called for now? The incipient barista has, among other things, to learn the terminology: Americano, Cappuccino, Macchiato, Latté, Frappé, Mocha, and so forth. The making of the coffee drink is relatively straightforward; and delivering it with a smile is a matter of good customer relations.

However, the prospect of seeing a row of bare fannies, whether bare or hirsute, would be tough thing to steel oneself for early in the morning. And, would customers be specific in their requests for their coffee enemas?

"I'll have a mocha enema today; and my partner will have his usual Americano."

"Decaf macchatio, with chicory."

And, importantly, would baristas now have to be licensed, much like chiropractics  or naturopaths?



8 comments:

  1. I think they just use the cheap stuff, like specialized oil change stores.

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  2. I've heard of coffee enemas butt not recently. There are a few good effects listed but more bad ones. Infections, sepsis (including campylobacter sepsis), severe electrolyte imbalance, colitis, proctocolitis, salmonella, brain abscess, heart failure, internal burning, rectal perforation, hyponatremia, dehydration, and pleural and pericardial effusions. Last butt not least, death.

    I think I'll pass, or not.

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  3. Call me old fashioned, but I think I'll continue to take my coffee the traditional way!

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  4. Coffee and a little brandy or sambucca goes nicely.

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  5. The joke at the end is hilarious but Paltrow is a nut. I wonder if Trump takes a cofefe up the butt??

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  6. I'm not sure I can go on enjoying coffee, now.

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  7. I would think intravenous coffee would be more useful. Do you think someone might sue McDonald's for anal scalding?

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