Making Our Politicians More Palatable

At long last; after many months of making the least trusted designation on the Gallup Poll, the elected Representatives and Senators started getting their heads together to win hearts and minds of the Electorate again. But in Washington fashion, they hire out a public relations firm to advise them on which path to pursue. And in really true Washington style, they give it to several companies as part of a network of political favors.

Using this approach, how did these hired flacks propose to put some lipstick on a pig? And toenail polish as well? When Congress goes whole hog, it does it Cadillac style!

Well, one company suggested that they do a Congress Swimsuit Issue. Now this idea worked both for Sports Illustrated and for various organizations; why not depict their nations' lawmakers in very human, relaxed poses?  As a matter of fact, nearly 400 of our reprehensives offered to pose. 

But the photographers found this task to be intolerable, even when the Congresspersons posed seductively. Especially then. They remarked that The Annual Roadkill Swimsuit Issue would draw more of an audience.

Another company proposed "Dancing with the Politicians." But the Republicans and Democrats could dance only around issues only; except Ted Cruz, who would not dance with anyone. And then someone proposed Donald Trump dancing the tango with Nancy Pelosi to puncture that bubble.

The old-style politico trick of kissing babies might have worked in a more innocent time; but nowadays this could be twisted into a rumor of pedophile tendencies. Likewise, they must refrain from kissing blonde homecoming queens! Poll makers have not thus far discerned whether it's okay to kiss gothic lolitas; but it might help with the millennial vote. (Think Abby on NCIS.)

But somehow our vaunted election primary process has managed to come up with two presumptive candidates who both have more than half of the people distrust them. Will this result in a Clinton win by default; or the ascendancy of a new, third party? And that's only the "very unfavorable" ratings, folks!  

Some possible candidates develop a strategy of running as an outsider from Washington; but that doesn't play too well when the same candidate runs for reelection. The temptation of recycling candidates does have an intuitive appeal. Let them run for a different office.