Rebranding Pestilence

War, Famine, Pestilence, and Death.  Someone had to be the least cool of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.  War and Death had a iron grip on coolness when it came to mythical horsemen,  That left Famine and Pestilence.  Pestilence, however, tried a Hollywood- or Washington-type solution to his dilemma: hiring a publicist to refurbish the old image. 

Doralee Pilsudski took on this client, believing that this represented a major public relations challenge to demonstrate her awesomeness in putting lipstick on a pig.  But, she wondered, how do you emphasize the lighter and brighter side of disease?  Well, she had some ideas!

First, she needed to revamp the image of Mr. Pestilence.  Unfortunately, Albrecht Durer's famous engraving was most often seen in popular representations.  Accordingly, she prescribed some cosmetic surgery and some boot camp sessions at the gym.  After Mr. P. bulked out, was tanned, and got a contemporary hair styling, he looked somewhat like Channing Tatum!  Hmm.  Next, she recommended a sartorial change in terms of power suits instead of dressing like a character from a less successful Kevin Costner movie like Waterworld or The Postman.

Doralee then advised him to ditch his mangy horse, and take up driving a Ferrari to emphasize the fact that he is successful.  Mr. P. demurred; exclaiming that he was a horseman!  She countered that he still was, in a way: the horsepower under the hood!

Then she offered some quasi-Darwinian takes on the inevitability and desirability of diseases: they thin down the herd and reduce the number of the weakest links.  She stopped, however, at commissioning a television comedy featuring microbes and viruses as characters.  Even with the lousy fare on network television, they were not THAT desperate next.  

Furthermore, she pointed out that Mr. P. needed exposure in typical gossip magazines.  She arranged his acquaintance with several habitués of those publications who were famous for being famous.  The fact that they were also willing to wear clothing that hinted at their physical assets did not hurt, either.  Symbiosis occurs in nature, but especially in Hollywood!

In order to better serve Mr. Pestilence, Doralee asked him about his long-term plans so that she could better dovetail his expectations with the image improvement.  To no surprise, Mr. Pestilence expressed a hope of running for Congress and possibly the Presidency some day!  Finally, it all came together.  Doralee did a great job in re-imaging Pestilence knowing that he had a political future in mind!