As a minister once put it, the first time such a question first occurred was in the Garden of Eden, when Eve asked Adam, "Is my butt too big, or may I eat this apple?" Adam then existentially confronted The Fall.
Since Adam hadn't gone to Law School, and learned to squirm out of a troublesome question, you know the rest of the story.
Anyway, when it comes to boobs and butts, most guys operate on a simple algorithm: Bigger is better! We're different: we're sort of programmed to feel our appearance is deficient but improveable in some way. Blame it on advertisements, I guess. Just don't ask your guy, "Do you think I need a boob job?" And, above all, don't ask your priest!
Some things are not on their radar screen: "Am I wearing too much make-up?" "Am I showing through this blouse or t-shirt?" "Do you prefer Hollandaise dressing or Vinegarette dressing on your salad?" "How do you like this tango lesson?" "Would you like to see Twilight?" "Am I too moody?"
Questions of this type are asked sometimes, to ensure that guys are paying full attention. But most of the time, out of simple insecurity.
Still, sometimes things come up that are the topic of valid curiosity. For example, there was the item last week regarding men's preferences for women's bikini waxing. I just wouldn't have the heart to ask my Semi-Platonic guy friend Dee-Doh which he preferred.
But I might ask my Guardian Angel Steve, just to tease him!
I like that new twist on the Adam and Eve story.
ReplyDeleteAnd, yes, that bikini bottom looks great!
Don't answer the bikini waxing question unless you are sure of the correct answer beforehand.
ReplyDeleteWho collects that data, anyway?
I admit cheerfully to asking questions of that type just for fun. But the bikini wax one -- that's a new one to try.
ReplyDeleteThe real reason for trimming or waxing down there is to prevent stray hairs from showing on the outside of the bikini. Duh.
What it really comes down to are questions about appearance or emotional states. No guy dreads being asked if he'd like to screw!
ReplyDeletei wish we could take a pill to get us over our own insecurities. :)
ReplyDeleteHave two apples!
ReplyDeleteAsk your guardian angel about the boob job one while you're at it!
ReplyDeleteDoes that bikini bottom come with a matching bra?
ReplyDeleteGuys give themselves away by ineptly avoiding answering those questions, or by hesitating.
ReplyDelete"Does this dress make my butt look too big?"
........(pause)....Er, no.
You missed the grand champion gotcha question women ask their men: "If I die, would you get married again?" There is just no good answer to that.
ReplyDeleteMike -- That's a great comeback.
ReplyDeleteHeidi -- Good point.
Brandi -- Yes. separately
Bilbo -- Yes, that takes the prize!
Elvis -- A service for ministers who need to lighten up sermons.
The number one rule is never answer any question that starts with "What if?". The answer is "I do not answer questions that start with "What if?".
ReplyDeleteYeah, bikini waxing, that's a good one. I guess it's all to do with the culture and, the size of the bikini, of course.
ReplyDeleteShaving will usually suffice.
ReplyDeleteAnd, contrary to false belief, we do shave out arm pits.