Cowgirl Melinda Weighs in on Gun Control

Although she was safely on the Wyoming prairie, far from the dangerous canyons of the dysfunctional Eastern cities, Cowgirl Melinda was not immune from concerns about the proliferation of firearms, even though she owned and was proudly proficient with a six-shooter and a 30.06 rifle.  Thus when the local western township had a discussion on gun control, she plunged in with her commonsense and no-nonsense approach to reducing the risks due to firearms. 

Well, it's a fact that the local N.R.A. types came out in force, feeling that those effete Eastern intellectuals would deprive them of their God- and Constitution-given right to bear arms.  Or arm bears, if they wanted to make things more even.  They did recognize that Melinda, although an original, was pretty much cut from the same cloth as them: a true daughter of the prairie!  So they gave her an audience:

"Thanks for letting me speak, guys.  You know me as Cowgirl Melinda, the former goose wrangler and buckarette from the Hole-in-the-Wall.  I want to say my piece and no more.  I don't make a lot of hot wind that would cause you to send me off to Washington, Dee Cee!

"Look, we've been getting too many bad scenes like in those schools and theatres: some crazy jackass coming in and shooting up the place.  Yeah, they're crazies; but a crazy can kill you just as much as a person who is as sane as a cowpoke on too many cappuchinos.

"A lot of the problems come from assault rifles.  Now I must question: Who needs a rifle that has 30 shots in its magazine, like one of those AK-47s of those AR-15s?  I mean, unless you're going off to war against those crazy Coloradoans or those weirdoes from Idaho, you're going to need only two, tops three or four, shots.  I mean, when I try to take out a coyote, if I miss, it's hasta la vista, baby!  You get it?

"I'm saying that these assault rifles are mainly for people who are bad shots and who are probably up to no good!"

Bill got all excited; he shouted, "You tell 'em, sister!  I always make my first one count!"

"Thanks, Bill!  You are the best elk hunter in Wyoming, both in and out of season!  But, look, people, compromise is the American Way!  And I got an idea that will make Mr. Joe Biden smile.  He's a great American; I know because he drives a Camaro, not some sissy little putt-putt!"

Hilltop Tom exclaimed, "You talkin' loco, gal.  How you gonna compromise on assault rifles?  You either got a right to 'em, or you don't!"

Melinda had a ready answer.  "I'm sayin' that we just write some laws that make it okay.  Numero uno:  Mandatory registration of all assault rifles!"

"Booo!  Hissss!"

"Numero dos:  Three-day period for registration check, and no soap for felons or crazies.

"Numero tres: Only pink assault rifles will besold.  Of the Hello Kitty persuasion!"

With that Cowgirl Melinda brought down the house!  No self-respecting Wyoming guy would be caught dead toting a pink assault rifle!