Thoughts of Crazy Chester

Crazy Chester is an everyday commentator and philosopher in New Orleans, in addition to taking bets.  He usually sits before the door and speaks as he pleases.  Usually, he does so in an agreeable way -- but there was the time of the great coffee shortage.

1.  You can deal with a day without weed; but a day without coffee is a crying shame.
2.  Don't drive a pimpmobile to take your Momma to church.
3.  Not everbody sportin' LSU colors went there.
4.  Expecting your boss to understand your being late is like expecting good food in Indiana.
5.  Politicians go into lying like a preacher eating chicken.


6.  If your lady's a stripper, you got to learn to live with other dudes lookin'.
7.  Don't let the bastards get you down, taxes will.
8.  Good exercise is not a lot of fun.
9.  If you can't run with the big dogs, stay on the porch.
10.  Luxury is relative: sometimes all you need is a nice, warm bed.


11.  Be noisy; if you're quiet, you're only partly living.
12.  Pay attention to barking dogs and sleeping cats.
13.  Try to make at least one person besides yourself happy.
14.  If it's not right, then don't do it; if it's not true, then don't say it.
15.  Don't bet more than you can afford to lose.


16.  Don't eat from the tamale carts unless you're okay about dog food.
17.  I don't really want a sea cruise.  Would a ride on the Algiers ferry count?
18.  Asking a politician for solutions to everyday problems is like asking a nun to handicap a horse.
19.  Silence is golden, but duck tape is silver.
20.  Confidence is what you have before you understand the situation.


21.  Love thuy neighbor, but don't get caught.
22.  Love your enemies; it will confuse the hell out of them.
23.  A man is as unhappy as he convinces himself to be.
24.  New Orleans is a beautiful lady wearin' dirty underwear.
25.  The trouble with nekkid dancing is that not everything stops when your dancing stops.


26.  A smart man always remembers his lady's birthday but never her age.
27.  I drink to make other people interesting.
28.  Old Tom's purpose in life is to serve as a bad example to others.
29.  Never let a computer know you're in a hurry.
30.  Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

31.  Money will make me happy.  I'm easy
32.  When people talk about "true facts," I wonder about those "false facts."
33.  I was told that I was gullible ... and I believed them.
34.  Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the expressway.
35.  Can I be totally partial?

36.  If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
37.  Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.
38.  Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
39.  Experience and paper wrappers is the what you have left when everything else is gone.
40.  What if there were no hypothetical questions?

41.  A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
42.  What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?
43.  My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.
44.  Politics is like betting on the horses; it's the fine art of persuading people that there is an easy, happy solution.
45.  I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

46.  The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
47.  God made weed because he wanted us to entertain him.
48.  How can there be self-help "groups"; isn't self-help when you do it by your lonesome?
49.  Lawyers are always more ready to get a man into troubles than out of them.
50.  Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

51.  It’s good to be clever, but not to show it.
52.  Never stand between a dog and the hydrant.
53.  One has fear in front of a goat, in back of a mule, and on every side of a fool.
54.  Patience is not a virtue, it is a waste of time.
55.  Don't under estimate the power of stupid people in large numbers.

56.  I only work to enjoy when I am not working.
57.  No one is listening until you fart.
58.  Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
59.  Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
60.  If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

61.  If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
62.  If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.
63.  It's all water under the fridge.
64.  High-toned women will be the end of me.
65.  You never get in trouble by reading a book: you ain't saying nothin', and you ai't breakin' no laws.

66.  They should serve beer at lunchtime in high school.  For teachers.
67.  Weather will happen, whether I watch it on television or not.
68.  I turn my phone off during election time.

Sports Fans

Just for the heck of it, let's celebrate a late 20th and early 21st century phenomenon:  attendees at sports events dressing in costume as their form of participation.  Think of it as a form of socially accepted display of histrionic tendencies that keep them from being drama queens in daily life, or having a full-barrelled case of the histrionic personality.  This is very similar to the phenomena of Mardi Gras, cosplay, costume parties, and other occasions for self-display.

I have been informed that SERIOUS fans can even be buried in a casket with the lining in the colors and logo of their favorite team!  Now that would possibly cause future archeologists to puzzle over what cult artifacts they discovered.

These Saints fans are a little over

the top, even for New Orleans.

German soccer fans channeling

The Cat in the Hat.

These Senior Bowl fans are doing this

in early January, even if it is Mobile.  I didn't know

Alabamians wore sombreros!  Can we

rescind their statehood?

A Dutch sports fan, for reasons only to him,

dressed as an American Indian.  Is scalping of tickets allowed there?

Some guys attending football games do so bare-chested

in frigid weather, as these Old Dominion University stalwarts.

             
                Oakland Raider fans, like Oakland itself,  are especially scary.
                              Not a good idea in well-regulated families.

More of the same, plus a comparison to cosplay.

Coslay events generally occur indoors.

These ladies hope that Britainnia rules the

soccer field as well as the waves.  And they

would not rule the yobs' attentions!

   
                             Sometimes sports fans editorialize.

                                                      
                          Can we describe her outfit as a little cheesy?

                   

                                     "The horror, the horror!"
                                           --Joseph Conrad

Paranoia

The current American Psychiatric Association terminology is "Delusional Disorder," but this is commonly called paranoia.  Built into this concept is the notion of extreme suspiciousness, coupled with delusional thinking: delusions of persecution, grandeur, or of reference.  The nosological system is further complicated, with the concept of "paranoid personality disorder" (undue or extreme suspiciousness, but no active delusions).


Here's where the complications come in:  We inhabit different social environments; some in which the expectations of mutual honesty and trust is fairly high, and others in which secrecy and disinformation is part of the game.  We may go from one of these settings to another, and in doing so the perceptual rules change.  I should trust my boyfriend, and I do.  But I'm skeptical of claims in advertisements.  In my opinion, a true paranoid is indiscriminate in how she or he deals with those diverse situations.  But there's another aspect:  paranoid thinking can become a habit because it's adaptive in a person's occupational or social or marital setting.  So there's a tendency to generalize to other situations.  And, in turn, sour one's outlook on life.


But there's another thing.  For much of human evolutionary history, our ancestors lived in small bands or clans, and meeting strangers was a rare and possibly dangerous event.  Not just for cavepersons, but even up to modern times.  Meeting a stranger could have negative consequences: (a) he could kill or maim you, (b) he could rape you, (c) he could steal your stuff, and even (d) eat you.  Consequently, xenophobia (fear of strangers) is built into humans.  But is sure plays hell with living in a mass society.


Somewhere I read that paranoids have real enemies too.  Part of the problem is what the paranoid-thinking person does in response to his or her paranoia.  Does that person act abrupt or aggressive to others, have scary beliefs, write crank letters to newspapers or post bizarre content on the internet, hold up signs with messages that could be taken as an implied threat, such as:


"We came unarmed this time."


You know, seeing that particular message caused my mind to go into overdrive.  It's one think to express publicly dissatisfaction with our system of government, but it's another thing to imply an active overthrow of our institutions.  Yes, you: Tea Partiers and Occupy Whatever types.  You scare the Hell out of me.

That, to me, is the heart of the problem with paranoia: paranoia is a contagious disorder.  And, unfortunately, the collective media feeds this emotional reaction at times.  And we have a total absence of civility in our national political dialogue.  Should it be any surprise that there is this degree of mutual distrust?

A Thought Regarding California Girls

Well East coast girls are hip
I really dig those styles thy wear
And the Southern girls with the way they talk
They knock my out when I'm down there.

the Mid-west farmer's daughters
really make you feel alright

And the Northern girls with the way they kiss

They keep their boyfriends warm at night

I wish they all could be California

I wish they all could be California

I wish they all could be California girls

The West coast has the sunshine

And the girls all get so tanned

I dig a French bikini on Hawaii island

Dolls by a palm tree in the sand

Thus the Beach Boys, in their oldie song, characterize girls in different parts of the country.  I have to wonder about a few things:

1)  Aren't they rather superficial as to hipness, judging the East Coast girls as being that way because of their clothing?  Isn't that more a reflection of affluence?

2)  Just how do those Mid-west farmers' daughters make them feel alright?  How many bases do they allow?

3)  And what is it about the kisses of Northern girls?  Do they French kiss?  Are their boyfriends easily febrile?

4)  However, the part of my greatest concern has to be what Southern girls do for them:  They knock them out by talking!

Now, I have a Southern acccent; but its partly Cajun and partly Yatspeak.  Not rendolent of moonlight and magnolias.  Anyway, the Beach Boys are of an earlier time.  But when the song came out, it was during Mom's girlhood.  (As a matter of fact, she has recounted fond memories of the Beach Boys when she was young.) 

Obviously, she was not a California girl.  Still, it would have been nice to think that she could have dazzled those surfin' troubadors, for her sake.

But who would have been an example of a 1960's-era California girl?

Doing a little math, I figured it out that the California girls sung about by the Beach Boys would be in their sixties or seventies today.  Now let's see?

Linda Ronstadt?  She was cute.  But, no, she was born in Phoenix. 

Nancy Pelosi?  Now that's a warped thought, Botox Nancy in a French bikini!  No, rest easy.  She came from Baltimore.

Barbara Boxer?  No, she came from New York.

What is this?  Is California ruled by non-natives?

Oh well, California girls from a later time developed into quality cougar material: Cameron Diaz, Courtney Cox, Carmen Electra.  Maybe the Beach Boys were just jumping the gun a bit.

   

The Stolen Hipness Act

It's a recurrent phenomenon: it seems that more people claim to have been in attendance at some significant really, really cool cultural event than possibly could have been there.  I suppose the prototypical example is that of the number of persons who claim to be at Woodstock: certainly several times more than 400,000 claim to have been there.  Some might have, theoretically, in the form of sperm or ova as yet to make their acquaintance.

Well, Senator Fooze is not happy with this phenomenon, and he is taking stern action to make it stop, yessiree!  Like no bull, here!  The Senator had a cow on this stolen hipness phenomenon up to here, and drafted legislation to correct this growing cultural problem!

Accordingly, if his legislation is passed, it would be unlawful to claim that one had been present at some seminal cultural, historical event unless they could produce bona fide proof of their attendance, or to claim their early adoption of some cool trend unless they can prove without a doubt that they were in the vanguard.

As Senator Fooze observed, "This legislation is intended to restore America to its level of hipness lost since the glorious days of the hair bands in the 1980's.  Think of it as the All Non-Hip Adults Left Behind Act!"

A part of the act would include a National Registry of Cool Events, People, or Sites.  Now let the partisan politics begin!  And they won't be genteel.  Will Twisted Sister make the list?  How about Enya?  Does attending Burning Man constitute hipness, or is a parvenu activity like Mooning Amtrak?  Never fewar: Congress will spell it out.

Voting Bra

Triumph International's Voter Turnout Lift-UP! bra is designed to look like a Japanese voting box and comes with bottoms made of ballots. The lingerie's wearer or admirers can cast their ballots by peeling off a ticket and casting it in the bodice. A pencil case on a string is available when the voters make their decisions.  Isn't the combination of democracy and marketing grand?  Or maybe we should remember Henry David Thoreau's words: "Beware of enterprises requiring new clothes."

A Triumph International spokesperson was quoted as saying, "While increasing interest in getting people to vote, we also developed a bra that would dramatically raise the national interest in the bust."  As if it needed doing.  We;;, they did not make a bust of it. 

This silver metallic concept number, though, might have some features that cause politicians to remember those days when you could stuff the ballot box, like in Chicago.  Each of these custom-made bras supposedly retails for a hefty $494.  It does not have the same kind of problems that plagued Florida in the 2000 election. 

Here in the U.S.A. we have a bra available for patriotic female voters to express their support for our electoral system on election day and feel uplifted in the process.  More demure demoiselles might avoid wearing sheer blouses, or at least consider a matching patriotic camisole.  The bras sold in Chcago can be stuffed, if there is a need to turn a close election.  

Obviously, this festive bra could be worn on other days as well.....like the Fourth ofJuly, or if Wonder Woman needs an alternative costume. 

Fight Internet Censorship Day

SPOA

Write or e-mail Congress and express  opposition to the so-called Stop Online Piracy Act

This is the time to stand up and be counted! 

Remind them that this year is an election year --

and we're voting!

The Duke of Marlborough Effect

The “Duke of Marlborough Effect” was mentioned by Richard Dawkins to refer to the increase in masculine libido that results from experiencing a victory, whether directly or vicariously. This was so-named from an entry in the Duchess of Marlborough’s diary, “His Grace returned from the wars today and pleasured me twice in his top-boots.” Male athletes tend to experience elevated testosterone levels before a contest; those who win tend to maintain afterwards those elevated testosterone levels, but the testosterone levels of losers drops dramatically afterwards.

There was likely a lot of canoodling in Old Boston when the Red Sox have won the Series.  This was due to the Duke of Marlborough effect and the brief simultaneous release of proper Bostonian inhibitions.

This puts a new perspective on football or basketball season.  Will the birth rate in certain football- or basketball-conscious states rise or fall dependent on whether the major state university has a successful season.  Hmmm . . . . does this mean that because a university gets in seriously hot water with the NCAA or has a succession of losing football seasons, will both their athletic fortunes and libidoes (and possibly the birth rates of the states in which they are located) are likely to decline?  Obviously, this should apply to pro teams also.

Lastly, what about Sarah Churchill?  From her choice of description, it does not seem that she was unhappy with the Duke's performance.

Bookstore Pests

MEMORANDUM


TO: All Staff

FROM: The Uberboss

DATE: September 21, 2011

RE: Troublesome Customers

My attention has been recently drawn to some troublesome customers that seem to be increasing in number, and need to be dealt with in a way that minimizes problems and customer dissatisfaction. It is imperative that all staff be on the same page in this matter, as our corporate success is dependent on teamwork and a cooperative spirit. Naturally, I welcome possible solutions for these misguided people:

1. The Indoor Skater. Lately, we have had several skatebaorders or skaters coursing through the store on wheels, scaring other customers and diminishing the sedate décor. This may result in customer injuries and possible customer loss. Accordingly, I am directing maintenance to install speed bumps at random intervals within the aisles.

2. The Dirty Old Man. Frequently hanging around the "adult" magazines, this person rarely buys, but spends hours in perusing the materials.  I direct that anyone spending more than 20 minutes in this site be given a bath and good scrubbing. Afterwards, each suitably sudded former dirty old man will be given a tract persuading that cleanliness is next to godliness.

3. The Coffee Freak.  Baristas will now enforce a "two shots" limit.  Any more coffee will have to be decaf.  Wired customers tend to speed read and reshelf rather than buy.

4. The Wet-the-Finger-and-Read Customer.  These will be deprived of browsing privileges, and purchase books or magazines unseen.  Repeat offenders will be deprived of offending digits.

5. The Bookstore Furniture Is for Sleeping Customer.  This should be a signal for staffers to vacuum the immediate area, especially if said customer uses shelves for sleeping.

6. Intellectual Gladiators. Sometimes customers get into arguments, and this leads to fisticuffs. This cannot be allowed to escalate into a generalized brawl between different philosophical camps.  Instead, have the two meet in the ring in the back, put on mitts, and debate!

7. The Pickup Romeo (Juliette).  These are easy to manage. Merely direct him (or her) to a nearby club or church.  Tell them, "Hon, are you sure you would meet someone here that you could take home to Mama?"  That confuses them.

8. The Proselytizer.  Wierdo who passes out leaflets for free.  The danger is that customers won't buy our stuff.

9. Coffee Shop Lecturer or Performer.  There's always some who show up.  This might well be dealt with by having an Open Mike Monday, where anyone can get up and perform.  (Staff members with accordions are forbidden to participate.)

10. The Publication Mutilator.  Occasionally a patron may mutilate books or magazines. These fall into two categories: the censor and the coupon-clipper. Act very shocked and disappointed with the first offense. And make them pay for the art book.  Second and subsequent offenses call for the person to wear a conical hat and sit on a stool in front of the store.

PDA

I had no idea that kissing would be disapproved of in some places, and that Florida was so prudish.  I suppose this explains my strange encounter on a Florida beach with a policeman.  I'm not surprised, somehow, that those easy-going Hawaiians love lovers, but I have to revise my image of Iowans.

I'm at a total loss regarding Seattle and Phoenix being in the lowest 10 of the PDA-friendly cities. 

A Discouraging Word on the Primaries, but I'm Not in the Wild West

It's only January, and already I've managed to develop reservations about all of the people running for President, without exception.

All of the dramatic personae in this endurance contest that we call the political primaries seem to be the type who would have been in the S.G.A., whether in high school of college.

Think back: would you vote for those players that you remember as the S.G.A. wonks back in high school?  I hope, for the sake of your mortal soul (if you think it's unextended substance) that you wouldn't. 

Now, I know it's easier to see that with some than with others.  Newt Gingrich and Barack Obama would have been BMOCs in an earlier time on any campus.  Rick Perry, maybe an S.G.A. type in some cow college like Texas A and M.  Mitt Romney: an S.G.A. wonk to the core wherever he went to high school or university.  Even Michelle Bachmann.  Ron Paul?  Well, he may be the exception.

Why do I have these reservations about people who look like S.G.A. players?  Because there's a common perception that the S.G.A. in many schools is where the adult power structure (the faculty or at least the administration) engages in a strategy of control over the students by bestowing power and recognition on favored ones and making it hard for others.  In the 1999 Matthew Broderick/Reese Witherspoon movie Election one of the candidates runs on a platform of disbanding the S.G.A., and the administration tossed her out of the election.  No, no . . . . they don't want some radical lesbian upstart doing something to eliminate their ability to control the student body behind the scenes.
Why should there be any surprise?  People who turn to sandbox politics as youth may develop a taste for the big-league stuff later.   
I mean, what a power trip!  To be able to act as a mover and a shaker in a future political process, this is some control freak's fantasy. 

But in some amazing way, this might be what happens on a large scale, with the two major political parties, the mass media, and politicians in those proverbial smoke-filled rooms.  And this is why we should keep our minds and hearts open, and not be led like donkeys into simply accepting the maxims of the media or the slogans of the time.  It's a mixed bag, this national duty of voting.  The only way of doing it well is to get informed as well as you can.  Straight ticket voters and random lever-pullers just put noise nto the collective decision-making process.  Somehow, it reminds me of Pascal's Wager: you have to play; and eternal bliss is not one of the possible playoffs.   Therefore, make your opinion catchment a wide one; and vote like it's going to be majorly important.

Because it is.

The Goddesses Euphemia and Belldandy

The Most Serene Goddess Euphemia was less than serene at that moment, disconsolate that mortals persisted in their use of dysphemisms.  At the present time, she was disheartened by their persistent use of (to her) offensive terms regarding various sexual acts.  Obviously, the F Word reliably caused her to blanch; but certain other expressions did, too.  Specifically, those applicable to female parts, male reproductive parts, and certain noncoital actions.  Thing about those ending with "job."  Their very usage suggests something unpleasant, like septic tank job or lube job.  Oh well.


But she could make no headway.  In desperation, she consulted with a minor sister goddess, Belldandy, who seemed to have acquired an intuitive knowledge of humans by living with one for a while.  A Platonic relationship, I hasten to add!


Anyway, Belldandy listened very carefully, and emphasized that Euphemia  might get better results if she considered proper word usage from a sales perspective: avoiding dysphemisms help the person get ahead.  Consider this: most guys would like to ramp up their sex lives, and they usually have enough cool not to say, "Hey, baby, let's f***!"  But they might not necessarily know certain other pitfalls, like referring to the lady's **** or asking for a **** job.


So Euphemia told a college guy not to use **** or **** or ****, by indicating that those expressions are turnoffs to girls.  Suprisingly, he listened very carefully, and seemed to get it after a while.


He then said, "So let me get this straight, lady.  If I don't use those expressions, I'm more likely to get laid?"


Euphemia realized that she still had a ways to go.



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             Geaux Tigers!                                  
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197th Anniversary of the Battle of New Orleans

On this day in 1815 a put-together group of soldiers consisting of American regulars, Louisiana militia, Tennessee and Mississippi volunteers, Choctaw Indians, free men of color (as they were termed back then), and Barataria pirates led by Andrew Jackson defeated the British at Chalmette, having established a defense line along the Rodriguez canal.


This was the most one-sided victory over a major force by American soldiers.


This link gives the American Order of Battle:

http://mliyr.multiply.com/notes/item/29?&show_interstitial=1&u=%2Fnotes%2Fitem

January 8, 1815

A Little Ethnic Observation

Being the possessor of a double-barrelled Cajun name and being out of Louisiana by a far piece, I sometimes encounter strange expectations of others.

A minor one has to do with the spelling of my name.  I've totally given up on the first name; and go simply by Angel.  Some expect me to be a large, Hispanic male and are disappointed when I don't habla very well.   The last name is more problematic: it ends in a silent "X."  Thus, it sounds like some slang expression of familiarity that urban youths use.  More than once I've gotten told "That is so wrong!" 

But there's the comic Cajun stereotype.  The story behind the Cajuns goes back to the Grande Dérangement, a bit of ethnic cleansing done by Perfidious Albion in 18th century Nova Scotia, then called Acadia.*  What did Britain do with inconvenient French-speaking families who had improved the land and who were farmers and fishers?  Simple, they kicked them out.  And a considerable number migrated to French and Spanish colonies in the latter half of the 18th century where they started the process of establishing farms and ranches all over again. 

While I have an accent (New Orleans urban, sometimes called a Yat accent), it lacks being picturesque or folksy.  But I can put it on at will.  On some points I know how to fish and drink beer; but I have never gotten into a knife fight in my life.  As a matter of fact, for girls to fight in any form is regarded as so déclassé where I come from!  Didn't God make guys to do heavy lifting like that?

One time I found it useful to establish that I was, in fact, a real ethnic.  It happened that I had an Acadian costume from some cosplay event, and I wore it to a graduate class once.  Talk about being delightfully noticed!  I soon learned that sort of thing was frowned upon.  What fun is life if you can't go in costume?  I think that attractive guys should dress like musketeers!

Here's a little musical treat: "Jolie Blonde," an instrumental of a traditional Cajun song.


http://smokeschool.net/Jolie_Blonde.mid

and "Jolie Blonde," by a great artist, Georges Rodrigue:

And have a nice Turbo Dog sometime!

*I tend to be blunt before my daily chicory coffee intake.

Redneck Chic or High Water Mark of the Confederacy?

I believe that the Civil War, or the War Between the States, or however it might be styled is over, and there's no need to bring it up.  Likewise, it's a pretty good idea in terms of general goodwill and national amity to downplay those the Confederate trappings.  After all, why offend anyone?  Indeed, it's only a small number of people, typically a discontented underclass, that goes in for that it the South nowadays; and most often the Late Unpleasantness is something that Northerners bring up for purposes of being pains in the backside.  However, I must report seeing Confederate symbols and redneck trappings being displayed in an unexpected setting: The Hamptons!  Yes, I went there once on down time while working as a textbook rep.  I wanted to see how my Betters lived.

Having done so, I wondered: Is this an example of the wearing of clothing as an ironic expression?

Are these, or their parents, migrants to that area from the South, as opposed to natives?

Are these people doing it to annoy their sophisticated neighbors?

Or, just maybe, there is something else transpiring.  Possibly nostalgie de la boue . . . .

I did some sleuthing.  The Confederate fans spoke in what appeared to be New York or Connecticut upper class accents, talked about their bonds and trust funds, and drank martinis and expensive chardonnets, instead of Bud and Jack Daniel's.  Their rides were Beemers, Mercedes, Lexuses, or Lambroghinis.  There was just a lot of fauxness going on, as Crazy Chester would say. 

Clearly, in their attempt to grope the latest trend, they went to the outskirts of the social universe.  The avant garde is like pornography or an arms race; it becomes increasingly difficult to be always in the forefront.

For these people, the Confederate symbols are an expression against the status quo.  But are these people Hank Williams, Jr. or Lynyrd Skynrd fans?  How would they respond to Freebird?

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What Not to Display in Your Office or on Your Facebook Page

There are some situations in which you should eschew self-expression and individuality in terms of practicality.  Social settings, including the social media come to mind.  Like is a semi-serious game, with real-life consequences.  A consequence to be avoided is one that puts you in bad graces of the Human Resources Office wherever you work.  While there are some areas, such as those involving the milirary or national security, that deserve intense scrutiny of employees, many staff members in Human Resources Offices have  lot of time on their hands and are curious.  So they go into the social media sites on fishing exhibitions, or look over your offices.

Trust me: you don't want to have these linked with you:

1.  A collection of traffic tickets on display.

2.  A Hurricane glass from Pat O'Brien's in your work cubicle.

3.  Your boyfriend's briefs, either in your cubicle or in your Facebook pictures.

4.  A trophy that proclaimed that you won a wet t-shirt contest in Daytona Beach.

5.  Fake vomit.

6.  Any letter of censure from a Homeowner's Association.

7.  Your membership in the Tea Party.

8.  Your membership in some extreme left-wing organization.

9.  A stack of The Watchtower.

10.  A stack of Cosmopolitans, even though you read it ironically.

11.  A picture of you before the porcelain throne.

12.  A picture of you on the porcelain throne.

13.  A picture of you in your nightie.

14.  This is especially true if you're a guy.

15.  If you're working for a company in a city with an NFL team, a coffee mug with the logo of some rival team.  [Especially not a NY Yankee mug if you're in Boston!]

16.  A picture of Justin Bieber or Megan Fox.

17.  A picture of you at a Deadhead gathering.

18.  A pin-up picture of you, no matter how cute you look.

19.  This is especially true if you're a guy.

20.  Anything on line or on desk that shows an anti-company or antischool attitude.

21.  A lot of cartoons on your office door or cubicle wall.  This suggests that you are frivilous or even irreverent.

22.  A poster for a politician that might offend anyone.  Actually, you might be able to post one of George Washington or Millard Fillmore.

23.  A bowl of candy or a live plant on your desktop.  Yes, there are some in offices that object to such harmless things.

24.  Hello Kitty or Domo-kun on your Facebook or on your desk.  Some people object to kawaii just on principle, plus it makes it look like you're not cut out for managerial roles.

I just thought of an exception.  Wasn't there an Army general who had a figure of Bart 
Simpson?  Now, he recognized a great American hero! 

A Cajun Gets Inaugurated President

The year is 2016 and the United States has just elected the first woman, a Louisiana State University graduate, as President of the United States, Suzanne Boudreaux.   A few days after the election, the president-elect calls her father and says, "So, Dad, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?" 

"I don’t think so. It’s a 30 hour drive, your mother isn’t as young as she used to be, and my arthritis is acting up again." 

"Don’t worry about it Dad, I’ll send Air Force One to pick you up and take you home. And a limousine will pick you up at your door."

"I don’t know. Everybody will be so fancy.  What would your mother wear?"

"Oh Dad," replies Suzanne, "I’ll make sure she has a wonderful gown custom-made by the best designer in New York ."

"Honey," Dad complains, "you know I can’t eat those rich foods you and your friends like to eat."

The President-to-be responds, "Don’t worry Dad. The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in New York, I’ll ensure your meals are salt free.  Dad, I really want you to come."

So Dad reluctantly agrees and on January 20, 2017, Suzanne Boudreaux is being sworn in as President of the United States.

In the front row sits the new president’s Dad and Mom. Dad, noticing the senator sitting next to him, leans over and whispers, "You see that woman over there with her hand on the Bible, becoming President of the United States?"

The Senator whispers back, "Yes I do."

Dad says proudly, "She was the Head Cheerleader at LSU, and her brother played football there."

Happy New Year 2012!

I'm not worried about any old Mayan prediction.  This is going to be a great year!  I hope you will have a great one!