Friday, December 31, 2010

Bras and Panties as Morale Boosters

I will admit to having bought a particularly sexy and filmy bra and panties set that I wear occasionally under my work clothes. These are intended for no one's eyes other than my own; it strangely makes me feel good and wicked about myself under my junior professor suit in which I try to pass for the real thing.

Interestingly, a recent issue of Shop Smart Magazine touched on this particular topic: Among the findings reported in the January issue (www.shopsmartmag.org) is that the typical woman above age 18 has about 21 pairs of panties.  Also, 47% of women feel sexier and more confident while wearing a nice set of panties.
That's an easy psychological boost!

 Also:

•27% say their mood is affected by wearing an ill-fitting or unattractive pair of undies.

•10% of women own 35 or more pairs.

65% buy neural colors, with white being the most popular, followed by black and beige.

•Overall, 46% of women say briefs are the style they wear the most often. But women age 18-34 are more likely to wear the bikini style.

•56% of women fold their panties; 27% just toss them in the drawer.

•1 in 10 women admit that they will venture out of the house without underwear.

•Half of women have complaints about the way their underwear fit, with "wedgies" (30%) topping that list, followed by "doesn't lay flat under clothes" (19%) and "not enough coverage in the rear" (14%).

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Al Gator Visits the State Employment Office

Caseworker: "Good morning, Mr. Gator."

Al Gator: "Morning, Ma'am."

Caseworker: "I've been looking over your application for employment. First of all, what's your complete name?"

Al Gator: "Ma'am, do we have to go there?"

Caseworker: "Yes, Mr. Gator. We need that to have everything in order; and also because you need a Social Security number. Your FULL name is?"

Al Gator: "Alvin. Alvin, er. Alvin, er, er, er . . . . Hippolyte." [Even green saurians can blush.]

Caseworker: [suppresses giggle] "Okay, now, that wasn't so bad. Now let's see. You are indeed going to be difficult one to place; but I'll take this as a challenge since you obviously have made an effort to obtain employment." [Glances significantly at spit-shined shoes and Brooks Brother suit.]

"You have no education. That makes it hard. You declare that you can remain motionless for hours. You list your skills as being able to eat anything, laying around a pond while surrounded by slime, being able to drink a lot, and not be easily bored. You further assert that you have a strong jaw, and will swallow anything in the line of duty. Hmmm . . . . those are certainly skills; but they have a limited marketability. You report no experience with manual labor.

Al Gator: "No, but I knew his brother and sister, Miguel and Rosita."

Caseworker: "We might have a misconnection here. I urge you to be serious! The workplace is serious, and you have to be prompt and come reliably. Somehow, I don't see you in construction, or in office work, or in sales. Uh, you're a tough one!

"I know! This is the right job for you! You can be a lobbyist at the State Capital."

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays

I hope that this holiday season, in whatever fashion you celebrate it, will be in occasion for peace, joy, love, and hope.  I love you; and thanks for joining me in this blog occasionally.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

My First Vocational Choice

Ahh, to consider those earnest, tried-and-true high school essay or speech topics: How I Spent My Summer, My Philosophy of Life, My Choice of Vocation in Life. The last one is particularly one that a student should choose with care for the paper or speech. The rule of thumb is: present yourself as idealistic, to assauge the Ya-Ya Sisterhood and Da Good Sistahs!. Saying that you want to be a doctor or nurse or social worker are good ones. Proposing that you want to be a lawyer is iffy, since the Learned Counselors often have slimy reputations and hang out with unsavory types like criminals and pols. Of course, if you say that you have a vocation to be a nun, then fate will smile on you for the remainder of your high school career. This can be parlayed into many excuses and out-of-room slips; and, as long as you do not appear to be boy-crazy or immodest, out of a lot of grief. An engineer? Well, that's not entirely lady-like; but Chem. E's or Pet. E's draw about 45 K when they leave the starting gate (thus Dear Ole Dads like that) and you get excused for a lot of bad taste in dress.

Did I go the safe route? No. Instead, I wrote that I would like to be a trophy wife. I was sent to three days' detention for having a 'bad attitude.' I thought that was standard equipment.

Later on, my poor mother got a phone call from the head nun. I overheard her explaining the difference between a trophy wife and a kept woman. Go figure.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Loaded Fruitcakes

Thud! Thud! Thud! The dreadful sound of machinery putting together fruitcake slabs assaulted the tender ears of Sakura, recently appointed as the Fruitcake Fairy by the Boss Fairy who found her deficient in more critical assignments of inducing sleep, hiding socks, and turning wine. She despaired, "Waaaaa! I should have applied myself in fairy school and more diligently performed my duties. Now I'm in this dead-end job until I'm eligible for my pension. And considering my salary, I will have to live under the bridge with the trolls!"

But then a glimmer of hope presented itself. Sakura remembered how humans loved alcohol so much; and wondered if she could, er, enhance the product a tad. This was just an idea until she was hanging out in Pepito's Lounge for relaxation, to get over her dispiritedness. There she met Bob, a guy who chatted her up. He seemed unprepossessing, and she first thought, "Oh great! Time to get hit on by another third-class loser!"

But her pessimism (and sheer snobbishness) was unfounded. It turned out that Bob was a Chem. E. major from L.S.U. and a wheeler-dealer on the side. Plus he had gorgeous blue eyes. They turned out to have a lot in common! Together, they found a way of walking on the wild side for fun and profit.

You see, Bob found an easy, inexpensive way of producing a supreme cognac; and melded it into the fruit cakes on stock. Sakura applied her marketing skills and knowledge of the customers. She designed provocative labels which attested to their strength of the cognac-laced fruitcakes, rating them as 100% octane V.S.O.P. and all of that.

Naturally, they had the usual market to draw on: the L.S.U. frat houses, the Acadian whiskey bars, the drive-in daiquiri stands, the New Orleans gin mills. And their business did tolerably well. But Sakura then discovered an unexpected outlet: The aristocratic old lady trade in Uptown New Orleans.

Now you must remember that these ladies are the upholders of severe community standards. While they like a libation now and then, they possessed a sentiment that drinking alcohol in mid-afternoon was just not done; it was not genteel, you know. Drinking before 8 P.M. implied that all was not right in the family; it was seen as overtly self-indulgent.

But what could be more harmless than an afternoon coffee and tea party with a fruitcake snack? Anyway, Sakura sold one to a hostess and promised to act as a server at the party. The fruitcake part of the party was a success: the first one ended with the entirety of the fruitcake consumed, and subsequent tea parties required more and more fruitcakes.

Sakura and Bob worked out a system of buying the fruitcakes and ingredients wholesale, and sold the "improved versions" at a 400% markup. The money started to roll in.

As one satisfied customer put it, "I never knew afternoon tea parties could be so fun."

Months went by, and things were going well. However, eventually, things began to come unraveled. The New Orleans Police Department's Vice Squad formed a Fruitcake Division, and there was several officers that worked full-time to suppress the illicit fruitcake trade. Fortunately for our heroes, they diversified their holdings, and vacated the business.

Bob is presently a casino kingpin on the Mississippi Gulf Coast. Sakura spends the day lounging around the swimming pool in a bikini and manages their portfolio. She occasionally drafts a report to the Fairy Office that the fruitcake trade is doing okay, but tries to keep a low profile. Things are going well; don't fix what ain't broken.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Louisiana




Louisiana will always be my home.  I miss it more during the holidays, and always look forward to the trip to New Orleans. 

Friday, December 3, 2010

They Wear Shorter Skirts in the North of the U.K.

An article in that fine paper, Daily Mail, reported that women who lived in the north of the U.K. tend to wear shorter skirts, despite the colder weather.

To quote the article:

"A cold spell gripping Britain might seem like a reason to wrap up warm.

But it seems that women in the North and Scotland haven't been affected by the freezing temperatures.
Researchers have found that like temperatures which have plunged to -17c, mini skirts in the area are the shortest in the country.

Northern lasses wear skirts that are on average 17cm shorter than girls in the south.

Debenhams found that the average skirt length in Edinburgh is just 30cm. In Glasgow and Preston it is 32cm and in Liverpool women's skirts are on average 33cm long.

The study also found further south in the country the skirts become longer with girls in Bournemouth wearing skirts 47cm long."


Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1333834/Dressed-chill-Sales-short-skirts-North-soar-despite-plunging-temperatures.html#ixzz16gwaNgsy
 
Here's specific data:
 
1.Edinburgh 30cm

2.Preston/Glasgow 32cm

4.Liverpool 33cm

5.Newcastle/Blackpool 34cm

7.Manchester 36cm

8.Norwich 42cm

9.Reading 44cm

10.Cantebury/Southampton 46cm

12.Bournemouth 47cm

I have some questions:

1.  What is the length of girls' skirts in Aberdeen, the northernmost city in Scotland?

2.  Why have the researchers ignored the role of stockings, pantyhose, leggings, or even long johns in providing warmth to the legs?

And an observation:

This sort of thing has a precedent in the history of psychology. Sir Francis Galton empirically determined a "beauty map" of Britain:



"I may here speak of some attempts by myself, to obtain materials for a 'Beauty Map" of the British Isles. Whenever I have occasion to classify the persons I meet into three classes, "good, medium, bad," I use a needle mounted as a pricker, wherewith to prick holes, unseen, in a piece of paper, torn rudely into a cross with a long leg. I use its upper end for "good", the cross arm for "medium," the lower end for "bad." The prick-holes keep distinct, and are easily read off at leisure. The object, place, and date are written on the paper. I used this plan for my beauty data, classifying the girls I passed in streets or elsewhere as attractive, indifferent, or repellent. Of course this was a purely individual estimate, but it was consistent, judging from the conformity of different attempts in the same population. I found London to rank highest for beauty: Aberdeen lowest.

Sir Francis Galton "Memories of My Life", p 315


Needless to say, this would have gone over like a lead balloon today!


Maybe some obsessive-compulsive person could do a similar map of the United States. And empirically determine the validity of the Michigan girls jokes.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Special Days for December

December 1 -- Complain About Television Day


December 2 -- Sing Out of Tune Tuesday


December 3 -- Hello Kitty Appreciation Day


December 4 -- Wear Slippers to Work Day


December 5 -- Act Like Everything's Okay Day


December 6 -- Love Mo Rocca Day


December 7 -- Wear Bowling Shoes to Church Day


December 8 -- Catch the Elusive Butterfly of Love and Pull Its Wings Off Day


December 9 -- Feast of the Transformed Bathroom


December 10 -- Take Your Dog to Lunch Day


December 11 -- The Muffler King is crowned today.


December 12 -- Madonna Will Finally Justify Her Love, But No One Cares


December 13 -- International Navel Review


December 14 -- What the Heck; Bring Back Daylight Savings Time Day


December 15 -- Eat More Beans Day


December 16 -- Be Glad You're Not Paris Hilton Day


December 17 -- Nag the Cows Day


December 18 -- Rescind Arkansas Statehood Day


December 19 -- Oops, Britney Did It Again Day


December 20 -- Annual PMS Spirit Day


December 21 -- Nutria Appreciation Day


December 22 -- Barista Appreciation Day


December 23 -- Annual Belch-in


December 24 -- Last Minute Shopping Rush


December 25 -- You Must Eat the Yams with Meringue Day!


December 26 -- National Collective Headache Day


December 27 -- Sleep Late Just Because Day: Don't Ask!


December 28 -- Hissy Fit Day


December 29 -- Midwinter Try On Your Swimsuit Day: Prozac Moment


December 30 -- Festival of Darkness


December 31 -- Short-term Resolution Day